‘Silver’ divorces, or ‘grey’ divorces, refer to later-in-life separations of couples aged 50 or above.Arti Krishnan*, 50, a Bangalore travel industry professional, left her husband during the pandemic after 30 years of marriage. With two grown daughters who took their father’s side, she nevertheless decided to take the plunge after decades living with a controlling mother-in-law and a partner who put his mum before his wife.
She is now divorced and lives alone in a small apartment “with less wealth but more peace of mind. I want my daughters to understand someday, that if they are in a relationship and unhappy, they always have a choice to make it better and if that fails, they should choose their happiness”.‘Silver’ divorces, or ‘grey’ divorces, refer to later-in-life separations of couples aged 50 or above.
Many couples find they are more “like roommates than soul mates” and many adult children who have too often seen their parents argue are happier when they separate. She is far from being the only woman to have such thoughts. While India’s divorce rate is only around one per cent, a United Nations’ report called ‘Progress of the World’s Women 2019-2020’ found rates had doubled in the country over the past 20 years.
Of course, living with constant conflict damages both physical and mental health. Robert J. Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School in the US, was involved in a long-term study of 724 American men interviewed annually about their work, home life and health. The study began in 1938 and ran for 79 years.
Now, she said, there is “greater acceptance” that if an individual’s needs are consistently not met “or they are in a space of increasing conflict or becoming disengaged and disconnected”, it is better to part, even if they are older.