We reached out to Dr. Kathy McMahon, psychologist and president of, and she was kind enough to weigh in on whether or not it was fair for the woman to decide to go on this trip alone. “If this were an isolated incident, his wife may have been overreacting. However, this seems unlikely. Her husband’s behavior is what we call ‘passive-aggressive,’ and her response fell short of perfect, but not by much,” Dr.
As far as why the wife’s response fell short of perfect, the psychologist explained that her advice to spouses of passive-aggressive partners is to “realize that there is often a hidden agenda but to assume that, because your spouse is an adult, you can take them at their word. However, be clear about what issues are on your side of the street and what issues are theirs.”
“He knows the consequences if he fails to follow through,” the expert explained. “You know the actions you must take as well. No fuss. No drama. No anger. If he was acting out in a passive-aggressive manner, he is the only one who ‘suffers,’ and he did it to himself.” She suggests to anyone who has had a similar experience to “be clear about what you want and what you will do if your spouse fails to hold up his/her end of the bargain. Then carry that action out, not as a threat, but as an agreed-upon consequence. Believe me, your passive-aggressive spouse will not frame it as an ‘agreed-upon’ consequence, but if you are crystal clear , you can carry out the action without anger or bitterness.
Instead of fighting about the man’s hidden motive at the start, he left the battle to the very end and fought about a red herring , Dr. McMahon says. “Everyone loses in this dynamic.” It can actually be healthy for spouses to take solo trips away from one another every now and then, but these are not the ideal circumstances.