If you’re a human being, you’ve likely worried what your colleagues think of your outfit or if you said something dumb at a neighborhood barbecue. Our society centers other people’s opinions, making them hard to ignore ― but the fear of them is also holding you back from your full potential, experts say.
“This anticipatory phase and this checking phase are exhausting. They’re very tiring. You become an expensive organism to run. This is whyThe third phase is known as the responding phase. “If you’re sensing that you might be rejected or you might be looked at kind of sideways ... what people end up doing is they’ll shape-shift in a way to be included,” Gervais explained.
In reality, people aren’t paying attention to you nearly as much as you think. “This idea that we feel like we’re under a spotlight ... like others are looking at us, constantly judging and critiquing us, when actually, they’re not as critical and judging as we think ― becauseNonetheless, worrying too much about others’ opinions leads to following a path that isn’t yours.
For this reason, Sagaram said, it can be helpful to do this values work with a mental health professional. They can help you sort through your own values and beliefs versus what society has told you.You can also try to determine your own values and authentic goals by following a therapist-backed exercise.
Sagaram added that having self-confidence can be a way to understand your values and, in turn, care less about people’s opinions. This way, you’ll believe in yourself and know that“The more authentic you are, the easier it is to show up in a competent way,” Sagaram said. “And if you show up more competently, you’re less likely to care about what others think because you feel so secure with yourself.
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